Hugh Warwick

Mummified hedgehog on ebay!

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Pip has chicken pox – so we are having a quiet Sunday around the house and garden. He snoozed on me while I read a book I am reviewing … hammocks are an essential component of any book-reviewers toolkit. And the book, Four Fish by Paul Greenberg is brilliant – I shall say so in the New Scientist fairly soon. He has tackled humanities idiotic behaviour when it comes to fish in a delightfully engaging way … you don’t realise quite how stupid so many people have been until he starts to conclude … ‘If humans are at root rational creatures…’ he asks … now there is a question.

But the hedgehog mummy … well, due to Pip’s poorliness I am sitting inside with him while he listens to a story and I browse the web. Ebay – every now and then, when I am, like now, in limbo between work and play, I will browse through the site and see what hedgehoggy things are on offer … and then this – the pinnacle of a moment. As the UK begins to remember what life was like under the Thatcher government, already people are preparing for the austerity to come, and with it, great ingenuity.

The title was eye-catching …

Mummified Hedgehog Scientific Study Fossils

and then I clicked on it …

Someone is selling hedgehog roadkill as a ‘mummy’ hedgehog. There is a starting price of £15, which displays a great deal of confidence in the dead-hedgehog market … one that I am not entirely sure is warranted. But I am willing to be proven wrong … could this take off? Could it become the next big thing – never mind hedgehogs as pets – why worry about all that feeding and cleaning – the health and heating bills? You want that genuine hedgehog thrill without the work? Why not get a dead hedgehog!

burnhambadger is nothing if not diverse as a seller – his/her other items for sale include jelly moulds and plumbing  fittings.

I am strangely thrilled by this discovery … if only I had found this before I had finished A Prickly Affair / The Hedgehog’s Dilemma … but I think it might percolate into my standup routine (which may be restricted to the shower).

Now I must soak the boy in calamine.



The hedgehog’s contribution to architecture

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There is a wonderful gadget on the web – google alerts – you set it to alert you to the appearance of key words when they appear. So, obviously, I have ‘hedgehog’, my name and the names of my book (A Prickly Affair / The Hedgehog’s Dilemma). Occasionally this throws up wonderfully unexpected things – as it did today with a contribution to the latest edition of ecofriend.org. The headline, ‘Hedgehog translates into a livable design with grey water recycling’, was irresistible. And the image of a potential hedgehog-inspired building made me think it was time to try and find one for real.

All of the pvc spikes are light diffusers, and the copy of the article is delightfully clearly translated  – here is a sample:

“Designed by Cheungvogl architects, the Hedgehog concept of building is wrapped with the a skin that has been made of high gloss finished PVC sticks. These sticks, owing to their virtue of diffusing light, are called “Light Diffusers.” The skin of high gloss PVC sticks appear like golden-silvery shimmering rain. But, when seen from a close distance these PVC sticks become almost invisible. The direct sunlight is reflected due to the presence of light diffusers and reaches the interiors as diffuse or as we can say soft welcome light.”

And then, by complete coincidence, another architectural event with spines – the UK pavilion built for the World Expo in Shanghai has won a prestigious international architecture award. The BBC has a story about it here. Though for some reason they think it is inspired by a porcupine.

Hedgehogs are everywhere.

shoes

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There are moments when a text message can so completely draw you into a story – the perfect headline. And that is what happened today when Emma sent this simple message:

‘Last night a hedgehog ate my shoe.’

The message raises so many questions – was she wearing the shoes at the time? If so, was she prone in the garden, perhaps having tripped over offending hedgehog? Was this a gentle nibble or a more substantive assault? How were her toes? Were her shoes of finest leather – perhaps understandably attractive? Or do her feet smell of slugs?

Maybe it is the weather, but I was keen to find out more and as she had been deemed inappropriate for her latest appearance in the jury, she was free to pop round for a nice cup of liquorice tea and to show off her shoes.

Okay – that is not as clear as I thought it was going to be, let us try again:

This was not just a casual nibble, this was a feeding frenzy. Emma had gone into the garden to pick up her sandals and found them covered in what she thought was slug slime – then she noticed that they were incomplete and had a horrific thought that there was a shoe-eating slug on the rampage. And then she noticed , looking cheekily on, a hedgehog. There was nothing else around that could possibly have been responsible. But could a hedgehog really eat an entire strap (she checked around, found a few fragments, but most of it had vanished) and cause such damage? “It looked as if they had been attacked by a Jack Russel puppy!” she said. “And it is possible that the shoes were originally inside and the hedgehog had dragged them outside – I only think that because all the cat biscuits had gone as well.”

Now, I have heard stories of hedgehogs getting excited into a frenzy of self-annointing when chewing on leather shoes, but these are plastic – and more than that, this is not just a case of chewing and then frothing up into salivatory froth.

Self-annointing is one of the mysteries of hedgehogs – why do they generate vast amounts of frothy saliva and then contort themselves, spreading it across their spines? The obvious answers do not hold true (for all hedgehogs at least) – it is not noxious substances being applied to the spines to act as an extra layer of protection, or to disguise their scent – as distilled water has been show to set some hogs off. But it is usually strong scents and flavours that get hogs going – for example if you wash your hands with highly scented soaps, all sorts of strange things can happen with some hedgehogs.

And then there was a hedgehog I was radio-tracking in Devon (it was Nigel, again, a hedgehog that taught me so much). I had been watching him eat from along the verge of a quiet lane when he came across a slightly larger black slug – probably around 2cm long. He did not start to eat it straightaway, he began by scrabbling at it, dragging it across the surface of the road, leaving a trail of mucus – seemingly making the slug more palatable. After eating it, however, he starting smacking his lips together and building up a froth of saliva that he then spread across his spines.

So back to Emma and her shoes – is it possible that this young woman has feet that smell like slugs? Was that what set of the shoe-eating rampage? Or perhaps there is a hedgehog out there that has a foot fetish! “I am just glad I was not wearing them at the time,” she said. “Hedgehog hospitalises Oxford woman – now that would have been a headline!”

DVD

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Very exciting post this morning – just got a dvd from Tony Yeadon at Serendipity Pictures. A few weeks ago we went to Vale Wildlife Rescue to film this short piece with a hope of getting a commission … and I thought it would be fun to let more than just a few commissioning editors have a look.

Very rarely have I done anything quite like this – and I am learning. So, I would welcome comments and criticism – there is no point me pursuing this if the general consensus is that I will just frighten livestock.

So have a look, and please let me know. And if you are a commissioning editor … give Serendipity a call!

And to make it absolutely clear … this is PRETEND … I picked the hedgehog up as soon as I had finished and it went back in to the rescue centre. Hedgehogs out in the day are probably poorly (or being used as a stunt animal in a hedgehog-related drama).

Idle hedgehogs

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I have been accorded a great honour – I have had an essay published in the latest issue of The Idler. The 43rd outing of this journal is themed ‘Back to the Land’ and has contributions from many amazing friends: Paul Kingsnorth, Simon Fairlie, Jay Griffiths and Penny Rimbaud. Illustrations from Gee Vaucher rub shoulders with (and stand up well to) those of David Hockney.

I had heard about The Idler – but, to my shame, had never read a copy until issue 42 – a delicate offering entitled Smash the System. And now it has mutated from magazine to magazine disguised as a book, there is a risk that many others may too miss out on the opportunity to engage with one of the most radical and anarchic publications we produce. I was going to describe the essence of The Idler, but, in the spirit of the journal, I will let the already well-crafted words of editor Tom Hodgkinson take the strain:

“The Idler is a bi-annual, book-shaped magazine that campaigns against the work ethic. It was founded in 1993 by Tom Hodgkinson and his friend Gavin Pretor-Pinney. The title comes from a series of essays by Dr Johnson, published in 1758-9 in the Gentleman’s Magazine. The intention of the magazine is to return dignity to the art of loafing, to make idling into something to aspire towards rather than reject.”

The reason I am in the book is due to the wonderful Gavin – he of The Cloudspotters Guide, the Cloud Appreciation Society and – arriving in the post the very same day as The Idler, The Wavewatcher’s Companion, his very new … in fact as yet unlaunched … and undoubtedly best-selling book. I had stopped in to visit Gavin in Somerset, and while we strummed a couple of the ubiquitous ukeleles (I am not sure where the ukelele comes into the Idler ethos, but it is a recurrent theme), determined that there was a need for a deeper exploration of the importance of hedgehogs to a vision of an improved society – and where better to exposit than The Idler.

Yes, ukeleles – we bought one for Mati, but I think I have played it more. When presented with a chart for the chord shapes it is fairly easy to transfer most of what I know on the guitar into uke … And the ukelele featured, improbably, at the launch of Back to the Land.

I went because it sounded like a strange gathering of fascinating people – though most of the ones I know did not turn up. But that did not stop the event being memorable. Not least because I now know what Rough Trade is … a record shop (I thought it might have been some sort of night club). The evening was opened by Tom on the uke, next up was Ian Bone, the founder of the gentle campaigning (dis-)organisation, Class War. And then came the noise … it has been a long time since I have felt my teeth rattle in my head. I had heard of Zodiac Mindwarp and the Love Reaction (and their off-shoot, Zodiac Youth) but had not had the pleasure of hearing them (and, to be honest, I had managed to get them mixed up with Doctor and the Medics …) They were supposed to be joined by Adam Ant (who I had heard of) – but he failed to materialise – as did the love-reaction’s bassist. But this did not deter Mr Mindwarp from pulling out the stops, grabbing his crotch and making my ear-drums whimper in powerless protest to the onslaught (oh and if you follow the link to the myspace page, the music should carry one of those parent-advisory stickers – so if you are of a sensitive disposition – you have been warned).

An intermission, of sorts, from The Asbo Kid … again composed of people I had heard of – James Atkin and Justin Welch – and we came to the main act (or at least the most extraordinary) – Tom back on his ukelele giving a rendition of the Sex Pistol’s classic love song, ‘I am an anarchist’.

I left with my ears ringing, weaving in between the Brick Lane curry touts and down by Verdes – where I looked up at the windows above the shop in the hope of catching a glimpse of my hero – before being gently coerced into eating free (and rather excellent) falafels in the next door cafe (as they celebrated their first year).

By the time I got to the coach back to Oxford I was shattered and in need of something. You know that feeling when you just cannot quite put your finger on what it is you need? Well, I was there for most of the journey. And then I just tried my luck with my ipod – Richard Strauss, the Four Last Songs. Somehow that was what I needed – something to sooth my battered soul. It does not feel like it was that many years ago that Zodiac Mindwarp would have met my needs – and the me of then would have been astounded to find the me of now brought to the brink of ecstasy by songs for the end of life.

Oh – and the point of this post? Order a copy of The Idler – eye/mind/heart-opening and beautifully presented.

cause for celebration

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Due to a spike in the number of votes received by Caroline Lucas (Brighton Pavilion, Green Party), hedgehogs around the country are preparing for a night of feasting and dancing. As mentioned on these very pages only a few days ago, just one party stands up for the rights of hedgehogs with any true integrity. Only one party is willing to challenge the status quo of continued increases in consumption, tackled climate change as if it were important, fight inequality and lower the buttons at road crossings so hedgehogs can reach (or was that the monster raving loonies?) – anyway – a cause for great delight and rejoicing as the most honest and hard-working politician I have ever met is now going to stir things up at Westminster. I do not (as yet) have a picture of her with a hedgehog – but here she is with my dearly beloved:

I think she might have earned a copy of my book for this … will have to get one in the post.

Stunt ‘hog

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Just had a great morning at Vale Wildlife Rescue filming a taster dvd that a company is going to use to try and persuade the BBC (or anyone else who is interested) in commissioning us to head off to China in search of Hugh’s Hedgehog (and if you have not read my book (shame on you) then I will not spoil the surprise – but there genuinely is a species of hedgehog called hugh – Hemiechinus hughi to be precise.)

Vale have got an open day on Sunday 6th June. I was there last year and will be there again this year, giving a couple of talks and generally helping their fund-raising effort (I have been elevated to the status of Patron, which is very flattering).

And here are a few of the photos of my stunt hedgehog (well, as the observant of you will notice, two different stunt ‘hogs).

Hedgehog T-shirt

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The post arrived early this morning (very unusual) – and with it a t-shirt I have been waiting for. A friend (thanks Jess) sent me a link to Shirt Woot – who have a very strange fashion business – they produce a brand-new t-shirt design every day – which are then subject to the pressures of the market – which in turn identifies the best.

Obviously this is not a perfect selection process as my new shirt does not make it on to the front page. In fact now I have a rummage through the site, I cannot find it … I might be the only person in the UK with this shirt … I should have bought more – I could sell them on at talks … I will never be the capitalist I was supposed to be.

And in case it is not clear – that is a mountainous hedgehog eating a bulldozer. It is an image that makes me very happy!

where do hedgehogs come from?

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My little boy, Pip, got back from school full of excitement. They had been looking at mini-beasts and, apart from the slug that a little girl stamped on, it seems to have been a memorable morning. But then he told me about the ‘great big fat caterpillar’ – what does that turn into, I asked.

‘A hedgehog,’ Pip responded.

Now, remember the book, I pursued, The Very Hungry Caterpillar … what did that turn into – it had beautiful wings.

‘A hedgehog with wings,’ Pip concluded – and dashed outside.

I think he was teasing me (he is a canny four-year-old)! I hope so, otherwise my gentle introductions into the world of zoology have gone seriously wrong – time to start reading him A Prickly Affair at bed time I reckon!

Hedgehogs help save the world, again

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This is just a quick note to reveal yet another attempt by the hedgehogs to help stave off planetary annihilation. It is not that long ago that the Big Issue carried on its front cover the bold claim ‘Save the Hedgehog, Save the World’. I had brazenly purloined that from Heroes – and feel that it is more important when attached to hedgehogs, not cheerleaders. My favourite bit about the cover was that the following was pushed over to the margins, to make way for me and the hedgehogs – ‘Obama and me, Desmond Tutu speaks’ –  I had managed to marginalise two of the most important people on the planet!

But now, even more serious, hedgehogs are back.

There is a plan by the current government to help maintain our standing in the world by buying large bombs. They want to replace the Trident nuclear missile system with something even snazzier. It is a bit like a poorly endowed middle aged man buying an expensive sports car – he sits in it thinking he is cool while everyone around him is thinking of a joke … what is the difference between a hedgehog and a Ferrari/Porsche/Range Rover etc etc …. the hedgehog has its pricks on the outside … boom boom (goes the trident replacement).

So, the UK is trying to maintain its geopolitical standing with go-faster stripes and the loud revving threats of – ‘don’t mess with me or I will drive me car very fast at you and kill you’ – because that is what would happen if we entered into a nuclear exchange – we would all die.

But it is not just about the absurdity of this stance – there is also the cost. Whether it is a sports car of a new nuclear missile system, these things don’t come cheap. And in the case of Trident, we are looking at £97 billion pound. Banks and bombs – always money for banks and bombs … but what else could that money be spent on? A very interesting question, and one that Greenpeace has asked my dearly beloved to ask many many people – and feed the resulting films up onto a video wall … there is a great range of opinion – from a retired General (who thinks that troops could do with proper kit rather more than a very big bomb that they will not use) through to George Monbiot, George Marshall Alastair McGowan and a host of others who have very good ideas about how to spend that money. And me … I point out that just one millionth of that figure would help us to find an answer to the problem of declining hedgehog numbers in the UK and around the world – so by funding research into the complexities of life, rather than funding arms manufacturers to destroy life, the world would be a much better place. So, see what the hedgehog says on the video wall – and vote for your favourite … no pressure now!