Shocking behaviour

I feel compelled by the confessional nature of the blog (it really does feel like some creepy pale-skinned man-in-a-frock reads everything I write) to admit to doing something shocking today …

I am sure I am not alone, as an author, in going into bookshops and helping with the arrangements of displays. There is the familiar feeling of disappointment when I find A Prickly Affair not face out at eye-level … but as I am sure that is just an accident, I like to show willing by helping out and rearranging things.

So, that is okay? Isn’t it?

Then there is the business of signing books … now, I don’t just wander around bookshops signing my copies without asking (though there have been incidents where people have been found signing away in obscure volumes that might, or might not, be theirs) – I ask, and usually feel a little embarrassed about asking. But it is an important thing to do – not only do people feel they are getting something a little more special (though what could be more special than A Prickly Affair anyway?) with the scribble … but there is the seriously important fact that once the books have been signed, they cannot be returned.

If only I had spent a year running around the bookshops in America to stop them returning the far better title US edition – The Hedgehog’s Dilemma … got my royalty statement yesterday – ow, that hurts reading those numbers …

So, moving books and signing them – ok?

But then, while signing the books on the display in Waterstones, Oxford, today, I did something that reveals the true depths I will sink too … my book was on a display – manager’s choice …  four stars out of a possible five and a great selling point too … and what did I do? I coloured in the final star – at the time rationalising like the book placement – obviously it was just an oversight on their part, and actually, it did look like there was a partial colouring in of the final star and ….

How low will I stoop in the quest to sell A Prickly Affair? Other top tips welcome!

The Tattoo – 2 – the video …

This is a little bit more sophisticated use of the web than usual for me … but I have the video of the tattooing – or rather 30 seconds or so … this was with the four pointed device that was used for shading and was, to use the language of the midwife, a little uncomfortable … but not so bad as to make my hand shake. So, if you are of a sensitive disposition, look away now …

The Tattoo …

To get to the ‘tattoo parlour’ – a temporary affair above the gallery, cordoned off by a red-rope barrier from the crowds, I was lead up the back stairs by Jai, master-mind of the madness that was about to begin. I was in the first batch of three – out of the 100 to be tattooed over the long weekend.

I think that Jai was probably more nervous than I was – so much to worry about, from media, to health – even so, there were a few butterflies tumbling as I walked out into the glare of the stage. I shared a quick smile with Kate, who was also about to get her first tattoo – before we took our places.

Many people I know already have tattoos, so the details will be well appreciated, but for me, this was a first, and probably last, opportunity to experience the art.

Simon – already fairly well covered with a wide array of images, was to be my artist. A quick shave of my lower left leg, a swab down with some fancy gel that allows the image on paper to transfer across to the skin … so that is how it is done … not just the freehand genius, they have help! And then, after attaching a fresh needle to the Heath Robinson tattooing machine, he began. He dipped the needle into a small pot of ink – preparing his quill.

As I had sat down I had realised there was quite a crowd come to see the start of the show, but found I was facing away from everyone. Not sure what it would have been like looking out at everyone.

I tried to relax, but there was a slight moment of bracing as the needle, buzzing like a gentle dentist’s drill, first touched my skin. Remarkably un-uncomfortable – though there was a strange taste in my mouth that started almost immediately and lasted for a couple of days.

It was such a benign experience that I picked up my camera and started taking photographs … proof of the calmness came in the steadiness of my hand – no flash and no shake. As my back was turned towards the crowd, the only way of finding out who was looking was by taking photographs over my shoulder – you can understand that I did not want to move too much while Simon was needling my skin.

And then it was all over – so quick. He had been dabbing away at flecks of blood and excess ink – along the way and the result looked remarkably complete. Yes, a little bruised, but otherwise fine. But that was not it … there was another component to the process – to be photographed with a 120 year old camera – big plate film, masses of detail I am sure. And not of the tattoo, but portraits of each of the ambassadors.

All 100 are done now – and I am hoping that we can arrange some sort of reunion – and as I discussed in a piece in the Guardian, possibly linking up with people doing this in other countries to present a block of wildlife ambassadors at the next meeting of the Convention on Biological Diversity.

So, to the healing – the instructions were simple – get hold of nappy cream and cling film … I was so disappointed that when I left the restaurant with a friend all the supermarkets were closed, I just wanted to imagine the look of confusion when all that was bought was beer, nappy cream and cling film.

After three days of that, it was on to coco butter – and there is general appreciation for the tattoo – in fact more than that. People are surprised at how cute it is … there is an association between tattoos and anger I think, so it is pleasing to have an image that subverts this. There is no attempt to repel with the hedgehog – it is there to attract.

Is that it? Will there be any more? Well, the night of the tattoo, back at my friend’s flat and her partner asks about my next book idea – the one where I track down people with animal passions similar to my own, but for different species … and Ian’s thought? “You are just on the hunt for the next tattoo, aren’t you?” Well, that has set something stirring in my mind …. will just have to wait and see.

At Last …

I have been putting an awful lot of work into raising awareness about my impending tattoo … in fact so much that I might have failed to mention it on the blog … Well, my first (and last) tatttoo is due to be applied to the lower part of my left leg at 8pm on Thursday 26th November … i.e. tomorrow. I thought that I should spread the word through the usual channels of the media – and so far it has been a bit of a damp squib, but then along came The Wellington News …. yippppeeeee …. who have faithfully copied a press release what I wrote. So please – help me spread the word. ExtInked, the project that is organising the tattooing, is just so inspirational.

And wish me luck tomorrow.

hx

Am I being mean?

As part of Jaar van der Egel (the Year of the Hedgehog) in Holland, I was invited over to give a talk (and also enjoy a few days of delightful peace in the flat of my friend Mina … there is a restaurant selling rotis that supply a mouth tingly, stomach distending heaven just a short walk from her one-time squat in an exclusive neighbourhood).

So, the talk  – and also the Year of the Hedgehog, I might as well contribute something about that event. But first the talk and my concern about potential meanness. I like to think that I am quite sensitive to the impact I have on people – if I have offended anyone, I really hope it is because I intended to do so … but after my very favourite ‘performance’ … my talks sometimes become a little more than just a lecture – and this one was great as they gave me over 90 minutes to talk, and I kept people happy, laughing (with, not at, I hope) and in their seats ’til the end.

But, as I met many people coming to chat to me on the way out, one man came up to me with obvious agitation. I had offended his wife – an American – and the cause of offence was my references to my time in America at the Rocky Mountain Hedgehog Show.

Now, there may be a few of you who have not yet read my book, A Prickly Affair, but just in case, here is a brief synopsis of a surreal few days:

I was invited by the wonderful people of the Hedgehog Welfare Society and the International Hedgehog Association to give a presentation at the biennial hedgehog show in Denver, Colorado about the campaign I had been involved in to stop the cull of hedgehogs in the Uists.

The hedgehog show is very like Crufts, with some obvious differences. And essentially, the cutest hedgehog wins. Now these are African pygmy hedgehogs (usually a mix of Atelerix albiventris and Atelerix frontalis) – not our western European hedgehogs (Erinaceus europaeus) – our hedgehogs are totally, completely and utterly NOT appropriate as pets. In fact I would argue that neither are the Pygmy hogs (which, interestingly, are about the same size as most of the other 14 species of hedgehog … apart from the lardy-butts among the hedgehogs, ours!) … however, in the USA there is a body of people who are obsessed with their pet hedgehogs. I wrote a rant for the Guardian about this.

Where was I … ok, the show – after I had done my talk and witnessed the winning hedgehog be presented with a rosette many times its size, I was asked if I was staying for the International Hedgehog Olympic Games … now you know how sometimes you will (well, at least I will) say things that are obviously not true, as a joke …. well, I was wrong – utterly serious the IHOG.

In fact I will post something just about the IHOG because it it worth the attention.

There was so much stuff that I found strange – the animal communicator, Dawn Wrobel, who claims to be able to speak to not just hedgehogs but also the ghosts of hedgehogs past … in fact I heard her telling a couple that she had been told by their current pet hedgehog that the reason it was so disturbed was because the ghost of their cat used to sit beside its cage and complain that it had been so jealous of the attention the previous hedgehog had received.

I did a little research about animal communication and am as yet unconvinced by its efficacy … and alarmed at the costs of courses. However, I believe there are some people who are able to empathise better with non-human animals – and wonder if this is the beginning of the slippery slope to a belief in animal communication.

Back at the talk, I also talked about the Rainbow Bridge ceremony … and the valedictory to all the pet hedgehogs that had died in the previous two years. I caused guffaws of laughter with talk about the fund-raising extremes of some of the maggot-eating pet owners … all in all, we had fun.

But the offence? I think, and hope, it was due to a mis-understanding. At no point had I said, or meant to say, that this was all the madness of Americans – more that it was a delightful madness of a few specific people, as part of the a particular community. There is a risk when telling a story that the impression comes of a broader generalisation than is intended. And I am now going to make sure that the only times I cause offence are when I really mean to cause offence!

Amazon neurosis …

I am probably not alone in suffering from this; I get twitchy about Amazon.

I know it is not an accurate measure, but I keep going back to check my ‘sales rank’ and find myself getting profoundly affected by its fluctuations. Right when the book was launched I was thrilled to find it peaking at around 120 … but then realised that this was more to do with pre-orders. And then there was the gradual slip into four and then five digit numbers, mirrored by my heart slipping towards a slough of despond.

But what does it mean? I thought I would see how much of an impact a small flurry of sales would have on my position – and buying 3 copies (it is only marginally more expensive than buying them through the publisher) caused wondrous movement of an upward direction, back into the low thousands … so the number of sales to make my heart lighten is quite small.

Now, I should be undertaking a cost-benefit-analysis of this … how much should I spend buying copies of my book to make me happy? How should I measure the happiness? Should I find out how much therapy would cost – or drugs – and then direct that amount, instead, towards the great beast at Amazon …

Or should I just get over it?

Oh, and do I ever go and check the rankings of my friend’s books? You bet I do (damn, I am beginning to regret the confessional permissiveness of the blog) … revealing hitherto unexplored competitiveness!

hx

Hedgehog Stand-up

Too much red wine, or perhaps just enough, resulted in me standing on a stage with over 150 people looking at me, expectantly, waiting for me to make them laugh. Did they know how scared I was?

The wine was actually drunk about a month earlier – while in a lovely restaraunt with my dear old friend Els and her boyfriend, Dick. At the end of the evening Dick invited me and the family to his 64th birthday party down near Wells, Somerset. Mid November and camping …  but, he added that if I did something, I could have a caravan … so I agreed. I do many many talks about hedgehogs so agreed to stand up and say a few things about hedgehogs to the party – the WI like it, so I was sure a gentle Somerset gathering would allow me to chat about hedgehogs for a short while … there is so much about the biology, ecology, physiology and behaviour of these fantastic animals that needs to be explained …

It was not that sort of party.

The storms and gales had calmed by the time we arrived. My daughter, Mati, was most excited about the time she was going to have making dens in a caravan. Pip was off, charging around in circles with an occasional flourish that seems to be the result of a weird mix of free-running and capoiera. And I went to find Dick.

“This is going to be great,” he said, “you can come on between two of the bands will 10 minutes be long enough?”

As people began to arrive and the bands sound check, the scale of the evening dawned on me. Four bands – masses of equipment – and the only other ‘act’ on the bill … me. Oh well, nothing ventured and all that – always worth pushing at the margins of ones comfort zone etc etc … earlier that week I had gone to my first 5 rhythms class

www.bodysong.co.uk

and there can be little scarier than going into a room full of people who are all so apparently comfortable at expressing themselves through movement, and being expected to do the same … but I did it. So this should be okay, if a little unusual.

As the first band was coming to a close Caro, in charge of the night’s performances, asked if I would be happy going on next, after a big round of happy birthday. Fine I said – and my mouth went dry, so much so that I really did not contribute much to the singing … and then she went to the mic and said, ‘And now we have something just a little different, Hugh Warwick is breaking new ground, developing a new genre of comedy, hedgehog stand-up’ …

And there I was, in front of a room full of expectant and slightly drunk people.

After the event I could picture the confidence curve waning as I went along. Initially buoyed by adrenalin, but as that slipped away, I felt the edge go – but I still had a great time – and people stayed and listened (though I was distracted by what I thought were fireworks in the background … turned out to be balloons of nitrous oxide being filled and consumed ….  maybe that was why they were laughing?) – and at the end were polite enough to express surprise that I had never done anything quite like that before.

Free from the tension I was able to join the fray and ended up dancing until 3am (which is fine until you factor in the children who were due to wake at around 6 … but were decent enough to sleep ’til nearly 7am). Some amazing music …

www.agenuinefreakshow.com

were superb, and then I danced to The Mandibles

http://www.myspace.com/themandibles

who, I think, sang a song about a squid … I am not sure, was rather tired by then, but it sure sounded like they were singing about a squid.

So – hedgehog stand-up … not quite taking bookings yet, but will think about testing the scary waters just outside the comfort zone again sometime.

hx

Save the hedgehog; save the world: Why the hedgehog is the most important species on the planet.

What an animal the hedgehog is. Not only the source of 2009’s joke of the year at the Edinburgh Fringe from Dan Antopolski: Hedgehogs, why can’t they just share the hedge? But also credited with being the most important species on the planet. By me.

Okay, I know this is a bold claim and there are others who might argue for worms, bees, plankton or people. But I believe that the hedgehog is up there among those more obvious candidates. And that is not just because I have been studying the animal, off and on, for the last twenty years. Or because one night I fell in love with a hedgehog called Nigel.

Actually before I explain that – there is something else the hedgehog has to offer, thanks to the arch-pessimist, Schopenhauer. He described the Hedgehog’s Dilemma, a metaphor for relationships between people. Two hedgehogs are in love, but when they get too close to each other, they hurt themselves with prickles – so they back off and get to a point where they are too far apart and suffer from the pain of loneliness.

While many of us may suffer from this in our personal lives, I believe that we are all suffering from a Hedgehog’s Dilemma on a much bigger scale. Our dilemma is with the natural world. When we get too close to ‘out there’, if we were all, for example, to move into the wilds, we would simply destroy what we were seeking.

But we are also removing ourselves from contact with the natural world. Now, for the first time, we are a majority urban species; there are more and more people who have little or no contact with nature. This leaves us bereft – and a growing body of work is beginning to reveal the consequences to our physical and mental well-being.

E.O. Wilson from Harvard started this field of work with the creation of a new word – biophilia – a recognition of the fact that we have an innate need to be in touch with nature. More recently this has been wonderfully explored by Richard Louv in his book Last Child in the Woods – Saving our children from Nature-Deficit Disorder. Now as soon as I heard that term, nature-deficit disorder, I knew that it was vital. It perfectly captures the consequences of our bereavement from nature and our failure to solve the hedgehog’s dilemma.

So where is the relationship between this philosophising and the importance of the hedgehog? And where does Nigel come into it all?

Okay, first to Nigel. I had been radio-tracking hedgehogs in Devon and at around four in the morning, as I went to clean my teeth outside the damp and cold caravan I was living in, I noticed one of my animals just sitting there. It was Nigel. I decided to follow him, no electronics, just us. Over the next hour I got closer and closer until there came a point where I was lying on my stomach and we were nose-to-nose. And then he looked at me. Up until then, I had been observing, he had been snuffling and getting on with the business of being a hedgehog. But at that moment, he stopped and looked up at me. The importance of this; there is no other wild animal that we can do this with. You can get nose-to-nose with your pets, but all the other wild animals I have had anything to do with just would not allow this sort of intimacy.

With that sort of intimacy there is a far greater chance of falling in love with the natural world. Love alters behaviour. And we need to alter our behaviour if we are to have any chance of averting catastrophe.

So perhaps the biggest challenge faced by the large wildlife and conservation organisations is in getting people to truly fall in love with the natural world.

How do we encourage people to fall in love with the natural world? It is a bit of a big thing to tackle on its own. So conservation and wildlife charities focus on the charismatic mega fauna to try and seduce us.

Whales, tigers, lions and elephants are the poster-children of their movement. Which is great, up to a point. The risk is that this generates a very superficial, almost sentimental, reaction. I suppose it is a bit like relying on images of supermodels to instruct our understanding of human relationships. It works okay for hormone-ravaged adolescents, but is less effective, and in fact downright destructive, when it comes to more mature considerations of our loves and ourselves.

I reckon I am about as likely to get nose-to-nose with a humpbacked whale as I am with, say, Angelina Jolie. And even if I did get that close, would there be a spark, a bond? We are much more likely to fall in love with the girl or boy next door. And the hedgehog is the animal equivalent of the boy or girl next door.

Getting moved and becoming passionate are key to us all becoming more involved in creating the change we want to see, and in fact becoming the change we want to see, to steal a line from Gandhi.

We can love a hedgehog like no other animal. It is the first and probably only wild animal that we urbanites and suburbanites have a chance of getting really close to. The hedgehog chooses to share the same space as us and if we are willing to change our point of view and get down on its level, we will be rewarded by the opening of a door into a deeper understanding of the natural world. Once the connection has been made, once we have had that chance to do the nose-to-nose thing and see the spark of wild in its eye, then we can follow it through into a new world view.

Hugh Warwick

with a child on my shoulders

early morning, I have a spurt of energy and decide to use it up on a new post … but then Pip (age 3) decided I would be a suitable alternative for his climbing frame – and is now sitting on my shoulders … and wobbling, deliberately, every now and then, just to send my heart racing. But I really wanted to share a little bit of excitement – the treatment for my next book is taking shape. There have been a number of very delightful connections – tonight I am going to see a botanist, who has written a wonderful book about Robins, play the Lark Ascending – and tomorrow I spend in the company of a bumblebee man – all this after I managed to identify the rather well-hidden Vole Woman …
And as if that was not enough, I have my first visit to the Hay book festival on Friday … I am more on edge about this presentation than any other. But it was nice to get noted:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2009/mar/09/hay-festival

you have to scroll all the way to the end … and then you will see why I was excited.

And I am using all these dots again … dot dot dot – for those who have seen Mama Mia, this made laugh. My 6 year old daughter, Mati, was looking over my shoulder as I read a story to her, one that included … I treated it as the pause it was, but she said, no, you missed that bit – dot dot dot – I was obviously confused so she repeated herself – ‘dot dot dot – it is what they did in the olden days’!!!

UK vs USA

This reveals far more prejudice than I thought I possessed. My book has been published in the UK and the USA. It is the same apart from the cover and the title. In the UK it is ‘A Prickly Affair – my life with hedgehogs’, and in the USA it is, ‘The Hedgehog’s Dilemma – A Tale of Obsession, Nostalgia, and the World’s Most Charming Mammal’.

So what is in a title? I thought that reviewers would simply read and review the book.

Oh how naive!

In the UK, with our resident hedgehogs and culture of fondness, everyone has a hedgehog story – and some reviewers did not feel the need to read the book at all before writing, usually favourable, reviews. For instance the Times – an august journal of record – managed to publish a review that in the opening line proved the reviewer had not read the first paragraph of the first chapter. My opening paragraph puts the hedgehog in its place, taxonomically speaking – clearly stating that it is not a rodent. The Times review? “What is it with hedgehogs? They’re rodents.”

Other reviews have gone out of their way to conflate stories, creating a bit of a nonsense (though that may have more to do with the editors than the writers), mixing up two very different hedgehog events on different Scottish islands.

I can’t really complain, some of the reviews have been really wonderful – in fact it has given me a real buzz to read so many nice things about the book over which I slaved for quite some time. My favourite line is from a note up on Amazon “This is an utterly charming book, it is funny and gently serious…” I like that – gently serious – I had not thought the phrase, but it perfectly describes what I was aiming for.

So, here is my prejudice laid bare – I thought that if my book was reviewed in the US, it would be reviewed superficially – that the lunacy of hedgehog-love would be the focus and that it would hardly register. But how wrong I was. The first inkling was when Publishers Weekly wrote:

“Warwick provides wonderful insight into what the philosopher Schopenhauer called the Hedgehog’s Dilemma—how can two of the spiky animals be close to each other without causing pain? Warwick describes how they overcome obvious obstacles to reproduction and skillfully extends the idea to explore the current state of human-animal interaction: The dilemma we face is trying to get close enough to the wild without corrupting it out of existence. Warwick shows how the hedgehog offers a unique insight into how humans can protect nature, since it is the first and probably only wild animal that we urbanites and suburbanites have a chance of getting close to.”

And then the LA Times said:

“Warwick is delightfully nerdy: “Love did not blossom immediately,” he writes of his fascination. “I suppose in the beginning we had more of a friendship and a working relationship. But I want to jump forward to the juicy bits.”

These involve, as you can imagine, an unusual definition of the term “juicy bits,””

and then:

There’s more than a whiff of the legendary naturalist Gerald Durrell here — his humor, his affection and his never-ending curiosity. “We are most willing to change ourselves in the grip of true love,” Warwick writes. “True love, not the sort that tends to infect our appreciation of the natural world. . . . Sentimental love is superficial; it does not offer much.”

“Hedgehogs in love, Warwick simplifies to make a point, can’t get close to each other without hurting each other, so they back away. In a similar fashion, we humans can’t get close to the natural world without harming it: “The dilemma we face is in trying to get close enough to the wild without corrupting it out of existence.””

And I have developed a massive respect for the US reviewers – for nothing more than taking the trouble to read the book carefully, and to see beyond the whimsy and fun – right through to the heart of the matter – which is the hedgehog’s dilemma of the title … something that reviewers of A Prickly Affair have failed to even notice …

Let’s hope for more reviews to challenge this analysis.